My middle name is Arkady. In Russian culture you take on your father’s first name as your middle. Infact, in Russian culture last name’s barely even matter. Since we all know Russia and Communism that’s kind of how it works. You BELOND to your father, so therefore they mark you with it. I used to hate my middle name and thought it was weird, and guyish (well it is). But I’ve gotten over that. Now it’s just a middle name.
Who needs those anyway?
Something has awoken inside me. It’s like my body knows - ok change - here I come. I’d like to say I’ve adapted to this because of how many times I’ve moved, but you know it’s always so hard to say what is a direct correlation of what. Which way does it really work, I’m always stuck on this question.
Wait. I just came to a theory that love for change is an adaptation, gained through life(s). Change is constant. To be able to go through change in the least painless and elegant manner would make everything quite more enjoyable, don’t you think? Now I’m going to an off tangent.
We need to focus on CONSISTANCY. Ahh, the beauty of it. We spend our busy lives focusing on time, where do we have to be, what do we have to do. We spend all day worrying about things we have no control over and they are always so ever changing we can barely keep up.
But breath. Breathe is constant. Most importantly, it is in you. You are in control. Focusing in your breathing is a healthy thing, instead of focusing on your crazy life which we spend all day doing. Focus on your breathe a little, it will bring you back in tune with your own body. Body and mind are not separate, interact them together once in awhile. See how it feels. <- now to this I must add things such as (and not limited to) yoga, weed, good friends, sex, good vibes. Good vibes used loosely, I mean this really can go as deep as you want it.
/end tangent
awakening. new beginning. new roomate, new room, new early morning schedule. as my senior high english teacher said, “nothing ever good happens after 1AM.”
well… we’ll leave that to be judged ;)
I’ve been reading quotes, one in particular by C.S Lewis who says you must never love anything, not even an animal. keep your love in hobbies and luxuries and then it will never be broken. “To love is to be vulnerable.” But that is the beauty in it. It is one of the highests highs you can receive. I’m in love. I didn’t look for it, it came to me. I’ve been learning to live in the present and I constantly remind myself how lucky I am to love and be loved.
It may go away some day, I may not have him. It will be torment, evil, vile, ugly. I will be torn apart and my world will be flipped upside down. I will be lost and confused, It’s terrifying to think that could happen. PAIN IS WHAT FORCES US TO GROW
Giving someone your love and devotion is a very sacred thing. To be apart of something so beautiful as that is uncompromisable. Is that even the right word?You have each other at your most vulnerable stage, and the trust that you both hold onto is what is so unbelievably beautiful.
